If you have a blog, the chances of you getting at least some spam comments are pretty good. Most spam comments I get are blah and get deleted right away. But now and then I’ll get one that just makes me laugh. You need a laugh? Keep reading. The spam comments are in color, and my response is in black.

Dearest in mind, I would like to introduce myself for the first time.

Please do.

My name is Barrister David Gomez Gonzalez, the personal lawyer to my late client. Who worked as a private businessman in the international field. In 2012, my client succumbed to an unfortunate car accident.

That is quite unfortunate. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone “succumbing to a car accident.” Please tell me more.

My client was single and childless. He left a fortune worth $12,500,000.00 Dollars in a bank in Spain.

That’s a lot of money. Why did he leave it in a bank in Spain? Was he trying to hide it from the IRS? Or did he actually live in Spain? Was he Spanish?

The bank sent me message that I have to introduce a beneficiary or the money in their bank will be confiscate.

Dear, dear. But why are you contacting me?

My purpose of contacting you is to make you the Next of Kin. My late client left no will.

Yeah right. Like anyone with that much money wouldn’t have had some instructions about it.

I as his personal lawyer, was commissioned by the Spanish Bank to search for relatives to whom the money left behind could be paid to. I have been looking for his relatives for the past 3 months continuously without success.

Continuously? Now I am starting to understand why your English is not very good. You’ve been without sleep for three months. You really should have taken time to sleep. It might have helped your search. But if you’ve been looking so diligently, you must have realized that I am not related to your late client. Well, I don’t think I am, but since you haven’t told me his name, how can I tell?

Now I explain why I need your support.

Wait! My support? I thought you were just going to give me the money.

I have decided to make a citizen of the same country with my late client the Next of Kin.

Should I be flattered or terrified? Wait! What? If I am the next of kin, you just said I was your late client. You mean you’re going to kill me?

I hereby ask you if you will give me your consent to present you to the Spanish Bank as the next of kin to my deceased client. I would like to point out that you will receive 45% of the share of this money, 45% then I would be entitled to, 10% percent will be donated to charitable organizations.

Uh, no. I don’t give my consent. And I certainly don’t agree to you getting 45% of my supposed dead relative’s money! I might have gone for 15%, but you got greedy and therefore I am informing you that if you try to present me as the next of kin, I will expose your lie.

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Title: We may be interested in buying your business

Oh, really? I didn’t know it was for sale.

Content: Have you considered selling your internet business . . .

No, actually I haven’t.

Hi, my name is Laurent (but everyone calls me “LT”). I am a business broker that specializes in buying and selling internet businesses.

Oh, could you find someone who can write stories that my readers would enjoy? Could they finish up some of the stories that I haven’t had a chance to finish writing yet? What about the pledge on the Read Another Page page? Would the new owners keep that too?

Right now is a great time to consider selling profitable online companies or digital assets (website, ecommerce businesses, dropshipping sites, social media accounts, software, etc). We work with many buyers that are looking to buy, invest, operate or partner with internet businesses to create win/win situations.

Well, since you haven’t answered my other questions, you can just move on. I ain’t selling. Goodbye.

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Isn’t it amazing what people try to convince others of? If I had been someone only interested in money, that first offer might have caught me–except for the poor use of English. And the fact that it’s an obvious fake. Some people are better at pretending than others, so be careful on the internet. Not everything is as it seems.

Have you had any crazy spam comments? Can you easily tell if a comment is spam or real? If someone offered you over a million dollars for pretending to be a next of kin, what would you say?